I am a Stay-At-Home Mommy! I always knew that no matter what I went to college for, this is what I ultimately wanted to do if we were able to financially. God has definitely provided a way for us through His Grace and Brett’s business. I feel so blessed. We won’t be able to have the lifestyle we once had- we have had to make huge cuts to the budget, but we are able to do it, and I am so glad.
I greatly struggled with this decision during the months leading up to the end, for a few reasons.
It seems these days, that a woman’s value is in her education, and then after, her career. It’s seems a woman is respected more if she is perceived to have higher education and a prestigious job. Stay at home mom? What value is in that? Besides, it seems so easy. I’ll be able to keep the house clean, have dinner ready at a decent hour, start hobbies, take naps….I’ll have a life again! Boy, was I mistaken! In fact, check out the way our house looks currently. By the time I got home from grocery shopping, Pearl was crying and didn’t want to be put down, she was hungry. I had to hurry and throw all the food in the fridge, grocery bags flying everywhere, food scattered… HURRY AND FEED….
and now she is finally asleep… Yeah, I think I’ll blog instead of clean.
Brett is now the only one financially supporting us. I struggled with being a Stay-At-Home-Mom for that reason too. It seemed to me that staying home meant I wasn’t going to “Pull my weight.” Is it fair for me to spend money on myself if I’m not the one making it? Is it fair that the weight of our financial stability weighs completely on him?
Also, I wondered what people were going to think of me if I stayed home. Was I “looked down upon?” Were people going to judge me? Do I look like a lazy freeloader?
…..and then we had our first night alone with her….
And my whole opinion about “value” and “pulling my weight” and “feeling bad if I choose not to go back” completely changed. Being a care provider for a life is hard work. After my first 24hrs alone with her…I did NOT feel bad about the possibility of staying home.
….and then we had our first day home with her……
I did not get anything done. I had a long list of chores I wanted to do, not one was complete that day, not even that first week. I remember looking at my house and thinking, “This is now how I explicated this to go…”
For awhile I contemplated going back. I remember a distinct moment during the first week when I realized that having a baby is permanent. If she is hungry, I feed her. If she cries, I have to hold her no matter what needs to get done, OR the fact we have to be somewhere in 15 minutes and I still haven’t showered, or fed Pearl, or changed her diaper, or even got her out of her pj’s that day yet. The thought crossed my mind, If I go back to work…I can have a break!
But as we really thought about it, we both decided that daycare wasn’t was best for us or Pearl for many reasons I’ll leave out as not to offend anyone. Mostly though, if I did go back to work, that meant I would only get 1 or 2 short hours at the end of the day with Pearl, and most of that time I would be making dinner. My heart couldn’t handle that and it didn’t settle right in my heart or spirit. In the end, if I did go back to work, the cost of daycare, plus the gas I used to drive to work (I filled my tank once a week), we really wouldn’t be a making enough off the top to justify me going back. I enjoyed my job, but that was it, it was more a job then a career.
Taking care of this sweet one is my career now. A noble, honorable, cherished, high ranking, most valuable, career.