ColleensLife

Perfect Love casts out all fear.  Have you been dealing with fear today?  This week?

I’ve been dealing with fear; fear that I’m going to mess up this pregnancy.  We are so close, and I am afraid that I’ll do something to screw it all up.  I’m afraid some random incident is going to happen.  As if I really have the power to take this child’s life with my stupidity.  Who holds the power of life and death?  Not me, but the Lord.

I have been working with my counselor to battle fear.  His remedy:  The Word Of God.  He says,  ”You can’t just wait to conjure up ‘good, happy, non-fearful feelings’.  Good feelings may never come, and feelings are fleeting; one moment you feel better, the next you feel horrible again.  Very unpredictable.   Replace wrong feelings with faith. ”

Faith.  Faith that controls feelings, faith based on scripture will defeat (he believes) ANY spiritual or mental ailment.  After all, God does refer to his Word as the weapon to fight the Enemy (Father of lies).  God calls it the Sword of The Spirit; which is the Word of God. (See Eph 6:10-17).

In fact, when  Satan was tempting Jesus in the wilderness, it was scripture that Jesus used to fight off Satan (See Matthew 4:1-11).  Perhaps we should follow His example when we are tempted by something?????  In my case, fear.

What does Gods word say about fear?

1.  Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. -1 John 4:18 (its amazing to me that by just simply experiencing Gods love can expel fear.  Love it)

2.  So do not fear,  for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

3.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7

4.  I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. -John 14:27

5.  This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9

6.  When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.- Psalm 56:3

7.  He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. -Psalm 91:4-8

These are just a few of many.  Google: Scripture on fear.  Be encouraged by what you find.

Feelings led by faith…not faith led by feelings.

For my first pregnancy I labored intensely for 32 hours, dilated to 10cms AND tried everything in my power to work against my body to keep Grace and Ellie in my womb for as along as I could.  The nurses didn’t want to give me any epidural just in case my pregnancy would work out.  From 12 midnight, until 4 pm the next day, I experienced full, strong, intense, look-at-your-husband-and-cuss-at-him type of contractions.   I’ll tell you what, I know many women have gone natural, but, to have to work against your body, to try and hold your baby in when your body wants to push the baby out while facing hard and strong contractions, never knowing when its going to end…I could write a horror story.  Talk about labor.

I remember crying out to God in pain, trying to find meaning in it all.  The pain was closing in on unbearable and it was only the middle of the night.  I remember having a moment of sanity where I felt the Lord share this with me:

This is how you share in My suffering on the cross.   This is a small glimpse and example of what I went through for you on the cross.  

At that moment I knew this was one way I could share in my Saviors sufferings.  It helped me embrace the pain.  It wasn’t pointless anymore, it was meaningful.

I did end up getting an epidural with Grace and Ellie.  It was not my choice, but to explain why I didn’t get the choice would be something I would rather talk about in private.

For this pregnancy, I would like to go natural.

I have been asked “why?”  All I can really say is, “Because I want to.”  Do I really need a reason?  I desire to go natural if I can help it and that is that.  I will enjoy my labor and delivery without being numbed.  I have decided ahead of time to choose to see it that way.  Not to mention, I really don’t like the idea of a giant needle in my back and chemicals in my spine.  Thank you dear friends who have been deeply supportive and outwardly encouraging of my choice.  It really has strengthened me.

Also, I would like to see the labor and delivery part of the last pregnancy redeemed here.  I want to be able to feel and experience labor, this time around, without fearing it, like last time around.  Make sense?  I want to feel, experience and embrace every moment of it.

I was reminded recently of a blog post my friend Amy posted about natural births.  She found an article about it and posted some snip-its of it.   I thought it was fantastic and it reminded me of why I would like to go natural.  I’m with her, I know natural births aren’t for everyone, and I think that’s totally fine. What is written below is not meant to judge anyone who has gotten an epidural, it’s just simply one persons fantastic thoughts on the matter.   Here is what she wrote:

“I came across an article while reading about going natural again with Olive or not. Here is an excerpt from one that really drove it home for me to go for it again. I know going natural is NOT for everyone – but this was inspiring. I underlined and added parenthetical comments 

Working and not fearing
Labor is challenging, a powerful process marking the miracle of bringing forth a new life and a new being onto this planet. It is a rite of passage, a psycho spiritual training ground for both mother and child. The laboring woman must put aside her own comfort and learn to surrender to a process so intense that it threatens to consume her. (yep!) She must have the willingness and openness to dive deep within herself and find the stamina to endure, to focus, and to trust. She may have to stretch beyond her own perceived limitations in order to experience this act of creation in the now. (I was there)

How many mothers’ eyes have filled with tears as they asked “When will it be over?” only to be told to “take each contraction as it comes, be with it, and let it go, for as long as it takes.” As she copes with the successive waves of contraction she develops patience and persistence. She forms a bond with this child she is birthing that is all the deeper because it has been forged with hard work and sweat and tears. It may be the most difficult work she has ever done. It is a labor of love and the most precious gift she can give to herself and her baby.

At some point during labor, many women may come face to face with some form of fear: fear of pain, fear of the inability to cope, and at a deeper level, fear of death. It may be that some part of her ego must “die” in order to get out of her own way and surrender control to the instinctual part of her being that knows how to give birth.

When a woman is able to release into her own intuitive consciousness, she gives birth to the spirit of the “Divine Mother” within, opening herself up to experience birth at a profound spiritual level.

Letting go of fear
Gerald Jampolsky wrote in his book, Love is Letting Go of Fear, that there are only two emotions, love and fear.

Fear always distorts our perception and confuses us as to what is going on. Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of expansion and extension, not comparison and measurement. Love, then, is really everything that is of value, and fear can offer us nothing because it is nothing. As we let go of fear…we start to see beyond our old reality as defined by the physical senses, and we enter a state of clarity in which we discover that inner peace and Love are in fact all that are real.
Through the process of letting go of fear, a birthing mother may begin to experience a personal transformation which will prepare her to be a more loving mother, a mother who loves unconditionally.

Empowerment
Perinatal psychologists have researched the long term effects of the birth process on women and their families and conclude that giving birth is a momentous event which can impact all involved psychologically and spiritually for an entire lifetime.  Pushing a baby out of her body with her own efforts can be one of the most exhilarating and joyful accomplishments of a woman’s life.  And yet, indisputably the most important outcome is a healthy infant and mother, and not where or how birth takes place.

Those mothers who attempt natural childbirth and fail to achieve their desired goal due to life threatening emergency or medical complications often feel extremely angry, frustrated or depressed. If they perceive that the cause of their difficulty could have been avoided either through more in depth personal examination or with different management of their birth, they may be motivated to educate themselves, or explore other available options in childbirth for subsequent births.

Mothers who feel that they made the best possible choices throughout the course of their pregnancy, labor and delivery, and still required intervention are offered a different but no less profound lesson in empowerment. Having done their best to manifest their ideal, they have the opportunity to learn surrender and humility, and embrace this “birth” process on a higher level. As one inspiring mother expressed so beautifully after having had a C-section for the second time after an undescended breech;

“The important thing was that we were both alive and thriving, not that she (her daughter) be born vaginally. It’s not what happens to you in life, it’s how you perceive it. I could feel like a victim or a victor. I chose to see the opportunity for growth. I did everything in my power and then let go. Even though I didn’t get what I wanted, I accepted the experience and I found peace.”
And so, “Why have natural childbirth?” Because it is our birthright; because the capacity to experience giving birth and mothering is one of the greatest gifts God has bestowed on women. Because we can, and when we do, we are changed in some way forever.”  

www.amyseiffert.com

 

Over year ago I joined a friend in her campaign to raise awareness about the Human Sex Trade.  Her mission?  To wear one dress for 6 months in order to draw attention to this horrific, growing, crime.  Specifically, she wanted to raise money for The Daughter Project  based out of Toledo, one of the hugest Trafficking hubs in America(Click the link to read more about the TDP).  Amy asked many friends to join her for as long as they wanted.  A month?  3 months?  All 6 months?  A year?  I didn’t want to at first, but the more she shared about the reality that these children and women face, the more God tugged at my heart.  I join on for a month.

As the month progressed, and as I kept learning about Trafficking, the more my heart sank and fell into despair for these individuals who are victimized everyday.  The more I prayed about it, the more I felt God telling me that something was going to be started in Cleveland.  But what?  How?  When?  What was my role in it?

In time, I felt restless.  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.  Should I start a Nonprofit?  Should I wait for someone else to do it?   I knew God was doing something in Cleveland with this but I just didn’t feel comfortable starting it up or leading it myself.  So I waited, and waited, and waited some more.  God was stirring something in my heart and in Cleveland, I just needed to wait to see what it was.

Then Brett started to develop a heart to save these victims too.  That’s when I knew God really was drawing me, and now us, to do something.  So we waited some more.

In February, I was asked by my church to attend a meeting about Trafficking in Cleveland.   The meeting was held at Lauras Home, held by a group of nuns who want to see this crime ended.  It was here God started opening doors.  I gave them my Email and said, “If there are any meetings, or any way to get involved, please, please email me.”

I few months later I received an email from The Collaborative Initiative to End Human Trafficking.  They were inviting me to a luncheon to hear Theresa Flores speak on her experience with being Trafficked.  Her story is a surprising and shocking one.  She was actually blackmailed by some boys in her school and was then trafficked  out of her own house right under her parents noses for two years.  To hear her full story I recommend buying her book. I have read it.  It is heartbreaking and redeeming all at the same time.

Brett came along with me to see her speak.  While at this luncheon, in a room full of well over 200 people, Brett said something so wise to me. He said, “Look around the room, what problem do you see here?”  I responded, “I’m not sure…”  He said, “Where are all the men?  There are no men here supporting this.”  He was so right.  It was a room full of women.

At this luncheon, the speakers shared stories of how Cleveland is and has become a huge highway for traffickers..as big as Toledo they suspect.  The reason Cleveland is not on the map yet is because we aren’t making Trafficking a priority.  That is, until now.   They shared stories of Trafficking that have been happening right in our area.  Two women were sold at the Steelyard Starbucks, and a child was sold at a Hotel right in North Olmsted.  That’s right, the city I grew up in.

A month or so after the Luncheon, Brett and I were invited to a Church to see a Documentary on Human Trafficking, specifically, Sex Trafficking.  This Documentary is called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls.  I’ve provided the website below.  Watch the preview.

It was at this screening of the documentary that Brett and I were invited to be apart of a group of churches who have a heart to stop Sex Trafficking.  It just so happens they are starting a Nonprofit with the intention of building a safe house for women and children who will be rescued.  Our first meeting was last month.

It has been a year, but what God told me stands true.  God is building something in Cleveland to stop Human Trafficking.  Im thrilled to be apart of it.

View Preview of Nefarious here

Brett and I have ordered the Nefarious Documentary and will be holding a showing at our house (Date: TBD).  If you are in the area, we would love for you to come to our viewing once the we get the DVD in.  If you are interested, feel free to respond to this.