My 30th Birthday is in just a week. OH Lawd! I am welcoming it with open arms though, because to me it represents a new chapter in my life: Motherhood.
Ironically, I’ve been seeing and hearing about THIS list the past few days. It has been on the radio and on facebook. It’s titled, Turning 30: 30 Things Every Women Should Have And Should Know. Lets go through the list, shall we. I’ll let you know which ones I’ve achieved and which ones I haven’t. I hope you don’t mind my critiques. I have also made my own list at the end. A list that I feel is more appropriate for myself, and one I would rather strive for.
By 30, you should have …
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Umm, why? I’m married to the love of my life. Is it really healthy to imagine going back to an Ex? As far as the “one who reminds me of how far I’ve come” well, I would say, it’s more healthy to focus of the future then the past. I know who I am and don’t need an EX to remind me of that. All in all, no man defines me. You ladies who have never dated anyone at all who are also closing in on 30, you are doing just fine). Mark this as “Not achieved.”
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. (I can see the value in this. Sure, by thirty, It is probably healthy to be living on your own with your own furniture. But hey, saving some money and receiving hand-me-downs Isn’t unwise.) Achieved.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (Again, why use men to define why we do something? How about you find that perfect outfit to wear that simply makes you feel beautiful and call it a day. Wear it everyday for all I care. And DON’T wash it). NOT achieved for the reason Glamour would say.
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. ( I don’t care what people think of these things….) .Achieved.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (I really love this one. Ladies, your past does not define you; the past YOU caused or a past another person caused to happen to you.) Achieved.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (I felt my insides turn when I read this one. I do not need a juicy past to be an interesting person. How about a fun past rather then a juicy one.) Not achieved.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it. (This is just wise and common sense. I am working on accepting my age and, yes, Brett and I are investing in our future.) Achieving.
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you. (I like this one. Ladies, your significant other doesn’t need your password to any social network, voicemail or email address. If they insist on having them, run. They are a control freak. And there is a time when you need to cut the ties with the parents, too. If they have access to this stuff by the time you are 30. GOOD GOD! As far as the bank account goes, to each her own. I am married. We view ourselves as “One” in this area and consider none of our assets as “mine”, including income. We provide for each other. I do think that last one is a personal preference, though). Achieved.
9. A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded. (People do this?) Achieved.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (Beautiful). Achieved.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. (Yes, yes, and huh?) Achieved…???
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (So much wrong with this. Oh, the idea of ”I deserve it!” Is this an American thing? So you go bankrupt in the process… darn it, you deserved it. UM NO. Not wise. Not at all). Not achieved. Nor will I ever. Not with that mindset anyway.
13. The belief that you deserve it. (No, NO, NO NO. That mindset of ”I deserve it” is one of the main problems with humanity. This is why we as a country, or any country for that matter, have problems. You see it, you want it, you deserve it. YUCK. This is why we see bankruptcy, rape, murder, etc, This idea is the root of selfishness.) Not achieved.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (This is great! Healthy living). Achieving.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. (Nothing wrong with a satisfying career. Nothing wrong with a satisfying life as a mother. Nothing wrong with a satisfying relationship. Nothing wrong with a satisfying life of single hood.) Achieved.
By 30, you should know …
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (This is great. Fall in love, find yourself, don’t find yourself in a another person. Don’t forget who you are becoming). Achieved.
2. How you feel about having kids. (Yeah, it seems like a good idea to know how you feel about this. Especially if you are in a relationship with someone.) Achieved.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (Good qualities to have, definitely.) Achieved.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. (Yes. In other words: learn to have boundaries with yourself and others. It’s ok to say “no” sometimes) Achieved.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (No, ladies, lets use our words and not be passive.) I Achieve this through communication, not passive signals.
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. (Why is this important again?) Achieved, not achieved, not achieved.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. (Some people wont have to face this until later in life. Either way, it seems like it should be more of a personal goal then a “every woman should” goal. I could if I had to, but I hope I don’t have to for a LONG time). Achieved (if had to)
8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing. (Ahh, knowing ones self. It is always a good idea to know how to recharge. I recharge in Starbucks with a good book, bible, Jesus and a cup of coffee. Throw a friend or two in the mix once in a while and im a new woman!) Achieved.
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. (Mmm, being content with who you are and where you came from. Beautiful and needed. Yes and amen!) Achieving.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. (Love this one. Let the past be the past. If you need to achieve that with counseling and some meds, you have my support. Been there, done that. The point is, to work through it, and move on. We have all had a hurtful past of some sort. Choose not to be the victim anymore) Achieved.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. (I mean, yeah, sure. why not?) Achieved
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. (So, stay healthy is what I am interpreting this as. Yes, our body is a temple. Lets take care of it). Achieved
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. (More good advice. Yes, again, why not? I am still on the road of ”dont take it so personally”) Achieving.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. (For people who find themselves just saying “sorry” for no reason and for anything just to make sure someone isn’t mad at them, yes, this idea can be quite freeing and a chance to grow. But for those of us who have a hard time apologizing, like myself, lets practice some humility Achieving.
15. Why they say life begins at 30. (Does it? Well AWESOME!) Achieving may 4th!
A Few Of My Own
I made a list of my own. Some of them are kind of like the ones above, just maybe worded different or with a twist. Some of the are my own christian views. Feel free to add them to your personal list.
1. Know truth. I think the search for absolute truth is the most important search an individual can have. The idea of “Everyones belief is right” sounds nice and friendly, but, logically, doesn’t work. We cant just make up a belief that sounds cool and expect it to be true. If that was the case then I have a belief that if I eat one billion cookies i’ll stay skinny! Same goes for the after life. Just cuz you think it and wish for it, doesn’t mean it’s always true. See what I mean? There really can only be one right way. This search matters. I like the coexist bumper sticker, not because I think all beliefs are right, but because we should be able to coexist in peace while at the same time being ok that someone might think your view is wrong. Sometimes expecting everyone to be open-minded is close-minded.
2. Love and know God, yourself, and others. Love yourself, not because you are better then others, but because, by accepting and loving who God made you enables you to accept and love the way God made others. Find yourself feeling like someone is annoying? Perhaps that is the exact quality that you think is annoying about yourself. Find yourself jealous of someone? Perhaps its because you have not learned to accept and love the fact that you have different God given talents then the other person.
Love God. I mean really know and trust Him as Lord of your life– that He is looking out for you, and has your back. The ability to trust God even when life is cruel. Do you really not believe in God? Or are you just mad that a God that MIGHT exist allowed evil to happen to you. Hate is still acknowledgment. Love God for who He is, the redemption He offers and acceptance like no other.
3. Have girlfriends that are closer to you then guy friends. It’s time to grow up and get some girlfriends. By 30, ladies, we need to be getting along with girls. If you are thinking “But girls are catty!” I hate to say it but, thats catty! Learning how to get along with other ladies is difficult. But I promise you, the harvest you will reap is lifelong. Which leads me to my next point.
4. Learn how to forgive and forget. Ladies I think if we could learn the art of this, having girlfriends wouldn’t be so difficult. We are human, we are going to hurt each other. Step into a relationship knowing you are going to hurt and get hurt and this will solve half your problems. Work your issues out together if its safe to, and MOVE ON! Don’t bring it up again, don’t think about it again. If you do think about it again, remind yourself that you have worked through it and its over.
Now in cases where you need to forgive an abuser, forgiveness looks a little different. In this situation, forgiveness is for your freedom and does NOT mean you need to have any type of relationship with your abuser. Learning to forgive does not mean what happened to you was ok, it simply begins the process of release for YOU from your abuser.
5. Let others in on your life. I mean the deep stuff. I mean the stuff you would NEVER want to share because if you did, you would probably be rejected. Yeah, that stuff. To be known fully AND accepted is a beautiful beautiful thing. If you are thinking you have no friends in your life that you can have that type of relationship with, then its time for new friends.
6. Along with number 5, let others speak truth to you. Let others “call you out.” Let others tell you that you are wrong, that your life is destructive, and that you need to make changes in your life. On the flip side, Let people complement you, encourage you, and simply love you! Both are powerful.
7. You only need one man. His name is Jesus and He will meet all your needs.
Please add to my list. I have to run and I KNOW I am missing some really important ones! THose were the first ones that popped in to my mind though.