ColleensLife

Today was our super-dupper-ultrasound day.  They checked each baby very thoroughly.

“Would you like to know the sex?”

“YES!”

As the tech measured each baby, warmth and love just continued to fill my heart.  I can’t believe there are two.  Regardless of my dads words to me about having twins, i still cant believe it.  It’s just so odd to me that one egg and one sperm can split and make two babies.

I am 17 weeks and 4 days along.  Baby A is measuring a healthy 18 weeks and 3 days comin’ in at a whoppin’ 9oz.  This baby was jumpin all about.  Everything is A.O.K

Baby B.  My little Baby B.  This little one is only measuring about 16 weeks and 3 days, is about 5oz, and is starting to stray from what doctors consider a “normal” size for this point.  Jumping around a little bit, this baby only has one artery in the umbilical cord compared to the two that Baby A has.

Is it Twin To Twin?

The doctors cant tell yet.  Other then the size difference, there are no other indications that Twin To Twin is happening, which is good.   All the other signs they would look for are normal.  The twin Doc  (who is incredibly awesome by the way) said Baby B’s size might be because of the lower blood flow caused by having a single artery in the umbilical cord.  Which, if that is the case, isnt to much of a concern.

If it is the beginnings of Twin To Twin, i most definitely will have to get a surgery where they will sever the transfusion btwn the twins, which will basically make the one placenta, two.   This surgery is not performed in Cleveland. I will either have to go to Cincinnati or Ohio State.  Ohio State?  like the college?  Anyways, we are not there yet so im not going to let my mind go there.

Can i go to the ocean for vacation August 6th?

THe doc said he is not sure yet.  He told me i am going to be monitored very closely now and wants me to come in one more time next week before my vacation before he gives me the “ok.”  If the Baby B continues to decline…i probably wont go.  No biggie.  Im not entitled to anything.  My cervix is looking nice and intact- the way they want it to look for someone carrying twins.  This also would have kept me from going to the ocean. But it looks like its not going to.  Oh, i do hope i can go one last time before i have kids.

This seems to happen every year, which im laughing about.  I continually have to give up this specific vacation every year i have gone  THe first year, my grandfather died just the week before. Though he was getting up in years and we knew his death was coming, we were still deviated by it.  We canceled the vacation but then decided to go last minute.    Last year, we were about 2 hrs from getting to the hotel and smelling the ocean air when we got the call that Bretts grandfather died.  I stayed,  Brett left after about 3 days.  This year, its the babies.  I would be more then willing to give up a vacation for their health.

In conclusion, there is really nothing we can do except trust in the One Who creates and has each day prepared for us.  I do trust God, though im a bit nervous about what that means at times.  I keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, this is apart of His allowable will.  He is Good, Kind, and Loving.  I often forget that this place is not the point, Heaven is.  I am not entitled to anything and everything is merely a blessing i get to enjoy if God allows it.

SO WHAT ARE THEY???  I bet you are dying to know.

They are girls!  Sorry dad.  One for two aint bad though.

More on that later

Because sometimes you just have to.

Teasing Kitties

My mom had asked me and my sister to have a “swim-date” with her and my nephews this past Sunday.  I really enjoy the lazy days at a pool with my family with nothing to do.  I cant wait until my children are apart of that.

I also am supposed to be going to Ocean City NJ on Aug 6th given my  next ultrasound comes back ok.  My Twin Specialist still hasn’t given me the “ok” to actually go yet.  Because of this, I have been holding off buying an appropriate (pregnancy) bathing suit.

Saturday night rolls around and i realized all i have are bikinis to wear to the pool on Sunday.  ”Ah well, i dont care.”  So i thought.

I put on my largest bikini and lost it.  This is the first time ive cried about my body since i started to pop.  I know im pregnant, but i just feel like im in that in-between stage where i look and feel fat and gross.  Parts of my body that ive tried with all my might to keep fit after High School are getting…well…larger.  Obviously.

Prior to getting pregnant, i knew watching myself get larger would be a struggle for me.  Ill admit it, i struggle with body image from time to time.  Im assuming thats how it is for most women?  With pregnancy, It’s a weird balance of knowing you have to get larger but also not wanting to see your former body change.  Saturday night i kept thinking, “im just gonna get bigger from here.”

So i packed that bikini, took it with me, and strutted my big ol’ beer-gut-belly at the pool.

In a society where there is so much pressure to look a certain way (that way being skinny), even to look a certain way while pregnant (a skinny pregnant woman), I find it interesting that the gender that struggles with body image the most is the one that has to sacrifice its image to continue the growth of society.   Oh if it were only men who had to carry the babies.  Most of them dont care what their bodies look like!

I hope im one of those women who can bounce back to her old shape, but i might not be.  My mom and sister both did not have stretch marks.  Most-likely i wont either, however, i am going to be carrying twins.

Sacrificing my body to be pregnant has been both an honor and a struggle. Stretch marks for life, or no?  Hard time losing the baby weight, or no?  Not being able to get the weight off at all, or no?  C-section scar, or no?  I cant really control any of these.  I knew going in to it that this was going to be a body-image fight.

The idea of sacrifice so that another human can live, even in pregnancy, always suggests “Christ.”  My sacrifice so that these babies can live is such a small one compared to what Jesus sacrificed so that i might live.  It all comes back to, “What in my life can point to the cross?”  Even pregnancy can.

Sacrificing my body so others may live.