ColleensLife

13 weeks and 2 days today.  I had a completely different blog thought out and written for today then what i ended up writing.

We had an ultrasound today.  Brody has doubled in size.  He is now 4 cm instead of 2.  And he might even have a buddy hanging around him only about 1 cm.  But, as before, they are not concerned.

As of now both babies appear to be healthy and developing correctly.  Both heartbeats are in the 140s and we got a thumbs up from the twin specialist.  But…

6 weeks ago the twin specialist said there were a few things he wanted to check and account for when I came in today.  One thing that was really important was to see if there was a membrane separating the twins.  Being that they are in the same gestational sac, not having a membrane could move me to extremely high risk.  The membrane works as a separation so that the babies and their cords dont get all tangled together.  Big sigh of relief. There is a membrane. *phew!*

The other thing he wanted to check for was to see if they will each have their own placenta or if they are sharing one placenta.  If they each have their own, complications will be lower.  If they are sharing one placenta, i would be considered middle to high risk since there is a chance that one baby might start stealing nutrients from the other baby.   We found that they are sharing a placenta.  Bummer.

The fun part about it is that we now know they are identical.   THe specialist told me that identical twins are a fluke and are not genetic. So our twins are not because of genetics.  The egg split after one egg and one sperm united. What you dont know is that there is MORE to my fathers prophecy about the babies that i didnt share. I will share more later in this blog.

So after we  found out about the one placenta bummer, the Doc had to go over all of the complications and risks involved with my type of pregnancy.  What he explained to me was hard to accept, but, it is what it is and there is nothing i cant do about it.

1.  This was probably the info that upset me the most.  He doesnt want me to carry past 35 weeks.  This takes my due date from Jaunary 1st to around  mid to late november. I went a little foggy after this but i did catch him saying that with my situation, there is a high risk of having a still birth if we try to ride it out to 36 or 37 weeks.  He said, “Your babies will be small, and they will have to be n the NICU.

2. Some how the fluid on the back of the babies neck can tell you a significant amount of information about how your baby is developing.   Both my babies have what they consider to be normal amounts of fluid in their neck, however, on baby has a bit less then the other and this could be an early sign of one baby stealing nutrients from the other.  As of now, he is not concerned about it but wants to monitor it.

3.  NOw, we arent here yet so im trying my darndest not to think much about this, BUT, if one baby does start to take from the other a sugary procedure will have to be done.  The risk of harm is only 2% vs what the outcome would be if i dont get it.  *sigh* we will cross that bridge if we come to it.

Now, about my dads prophecy.  I had only shared part of it.  So here i go taking a risk and putting it all out there before we really know the outcome.  What the Lord told my father over and over again as he prayed was this:

THat there are not enough Godly men on this Earth.  That when i get pregnant I will be having 2 twin boys. They will be Sons of Thunder impacting everyone who comes in contact with them.  People who come in contact with them will never be the same.

Then the Lord said to my father, “Who better to raise 2 Godly men then Brett and Colleen?”

Well gosh-golly-gee-whizz.

My dad said when the Lord told him this he literally started jumping around and dancing.  IF you know my dad, thats a big deal.

If you could just be praying for the health of these babies and my sanity…that would be great.  I know when God purposes something, Satan will try his hardest to kill, steal, and destroy it.  And if he cant do that, i will throw doubt in.  My doubt and lack of belief is slowly creeping in after hearing some of what i heard from the doc today.  But i know God is good.  He is good.  He is good.

Songs.

Songs have a way of moving us.  Don’t ya think?  When im bummed, happy, apathetic, lazy, crazy, or sleepy, a good song always touches my heart in some way or another to respond to Jesus.

Back when i was engaged I found the exact song I wanted to dance to with my dad to on my wedding day.  I dont know how I came across this song, but, as i was listening to it, i noticed that each line and word sung was exactly my life.  I remember thinking that this song writer must have watched my life and then wrote the song accordingly.  The song is about the life of a girl starting from when she was small.  She sings about all the stages of this girls life and how God was with her amongst all the trials and difficulties.

I remember picking this song to dance to on my wedding day because I felt the Lord tell me that it was prophetic for my life.  That this song was….my song.  A song from God to me reminding me that He is with me.

The song was/ is 2 fold.  Not only was my Heavenly father there through all the trials, blessings, and hurts this woman sings about, but so was my Earthly father.  They both were there to hold my hand through life.  I LOVE the lyrics to this song ( its beautiful musically too), it talks about all the wonderful characteristics that GOd is and all the ones an Earthly father can be too.

Let me take you on a journey through this song with my life.  The song is “I AM” by Nichole Nordeman.

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn’t always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

CHORUS:
And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

When i was a little girl i played on a softball team. ANd though I never made anything out of it –  didnt go on to play softball in any other stage of life, God was there.  I also had a horrible bicycle accident when i was little.  I think it was one of the first blog posts i ever wrote about.  It was a horrible crash.  I dove head first onto the cement and skidded a few inches causing my skin to peal off a bit from my face.  I was a sight to be seen.  And i remember not wanting to go to school the next day in fear of being made fun of.  I did go, and i was made fun of.  But God was there.

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

CHORUS:
When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

Remember those teenage years?  LIfe was mean, my curfew was 10pm, we all have made mistakes during those years, and, who hasn’t had a heartbreak or two at that age?   I remember at the age of 17 facing a time when i looked to the Heavens at a GOd i wasn’t sure even existed and said, “I will never love again.”  I remember saying to him, “i am either going to become a nun or a lesbian, but one thing is for sure, i will NEVER love again.”  And i didnt, until i met Brett.  Even though i had accepted Christ the year before, it was at this moment, God reached down from Heaven and did…something.  It was at that moment i knew He was with me, that He loved me, and that he wanted me to know him personally and intimately.  That was the pivotal moment in my life.  I am who i am today because of that moment.

You saw me wear white, by pale candlelight,
I said forever to what lies ahead …

I remember dancing with my Earthy father to the song on that day a little over 4 years ago.  I remember thinking that the dance between my dad and me was so prophetic and representative to the Dance my Heavenly father and I will share in Heaven one day.   I looked back on my life that morning I got married and thought to myself what life would have been like had a not decided to follow Gods will.  I remember thinking, “yes God I do say forever to what lies ahead.  Whatever you have planned, God, the answer is ‘yes”.”

I remember listening to the rest of the song the day i first heard it, thinking, “i dont know if this last part will match what my life will be but, i guess we will see.”

……………….

Tonight I came home from visiting my sister, plopped down on the couch and felt very lonely.  Brett left today to shoot a wedding in California.  I dont mind when Brett has to travel, i knew that him not being here wasn’t why i felt lonely.  It was because i have been feeling distant from God for about 5 months now.  Despite the blessing of getting pregnant, the prophetic word my dad had about the twins, and even the cardinals, i still felt alone and disconnected from God.

With morning sickness, headaches, batting a bit of sadness, and now what seems like an ear ache, i kinda just started to cry.  I slumped on the couch and looked down at my belly holding my head cuz it just feels achey and said, “GOd, what are you doing giving me 2 kids, or any at all.  I. am. a. mess.  I cant take this back, this is for real and permanent for the rest of my life.  I am now a mother…and im terrified.”

After i stopped crying, I went to go turn on the TV when I felt a little “Come be with Me.” from deep within me.

So i did what i normally do when i want to try and connect with God.  I turn on the itunes and put the worship music on “random.”  And this song popped on first. I dont think i have listened to it since around my wedding.

OH man, there went the tears.  It was like God had said, “I know you feel lonely and feel like you shouldnt be having kids but this is My plan. I was with you throughout all of your life and I AM with you now.”

So i sat there just listening to the song, allowing God to remind me how much of my life He has been there for (all of it). Through the bicycle fall, my heartbreaks, my wedding, He was there…….and then the lyrics i had never known until now would also match my life.

…two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
too much it might seem when it’s two AM

CHORUS:
when I am weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

TWO kids and a dream?  TWO?  The words didnt say “some kids”, or “a kid”, not” few kids”, but…..two  And so the song continues to be prophetic for my life.

Take a listen to the song HERE

Notice the picture during the part where she sings about 2 kids.  Its a mom and dad with 2 kiddos (and they are even boys mom walking on the beach.

I have had some great responses to my last blog entry about how God uses the little things in life to show us His love.  I like to call them His “something special”…something special that  is just between Him and His beloved (who is you).

Here are some of the something specials that people have shared with me:

Three birds flying together

A watering can

Movies

Breaks in traffic

Deer

A woman recently stumbled upon my blog and shared THIS story with me.  Hope you enjoy!