If you are ever wondering what kind of secret emotions you are keeping buried deep inside yourself, there is nothing like self-denial to unearth them.
Do you ever see little hints of CrAzY emotions veering their ugly head from time to time? Be it anger, rage, negative attitude, spontaneous sadness, deep depression, anxiety, you look back at those surprising moments and think, “What the heck was THAT about?”
Self denial. It will bring those buried emotions right out – full force. In fact they will run rampant.
That is what happened to me during this Daniel Fast that I joined in on with my church.
For those of you not familiar with the Daniel Fast, its based of off Daniels fast in the bible when he was earnestly seeking the Lord about an issue he had. He pretty much limited himself to fruits, veggies and natural substances. He only ate plan and simple foods. No meat, cheese, or choice foods (anything processed or surgery). Learn more here
So what was i earnestly seeking the Lord on? I wanst sure when i stared. But God in His faithfulness revealed much to me. Specifically, He revealed that I use coffee and food as a coping mechanism to burry any unwanted feelings or emotions. I also use both of those to get through any day that im not particularly looking forward to.
Within the first few days of the fast i found that what got me up in the morning was the idea of having a quad grande, two pump, no whip, white mocha. If i woke up feeling like i didnt want to face the day, or if i felt like my day might be completely meaningless or boring, i would get a White Mocha. If i felt sad or depressed- white mocha. Anxious or angry- white mocha.
Same with fast food. If i felt i was having a particularly hard day, I would pamper myself with fast food on my break (i do have a McDonnalds, Burger King and Taco Bell within walking distance of my one store). The particularly hard days i had every once in awhile started turning in to once a week, then to a few times a week, to everyday. And then one day i woke up and my pants didnt fit.
I cut myself off (not knowingly) of all my comforts with this fast. Needless to say, the first week was a roller coaster of emotions. I felt like a drug addict who was denied drugs and had to face the consequeces of letting my body adjust to life without its numbing power. My withdraw side-affects were an explosion of emotions i couldn’t control.
I sunk into a bit of deep depression, which i always fear since i truly believe God has given me victory over this. Symptoms of a UTI returned, and anger spewed everywhere. Deep down, as awful as i felt, i knew it was good for me to journey this path. I needed to learn to be able to get through, not just a day, but a lifetime without these things that numb me. Give up coffee forever??? NA! But i want to be at a healthy spot with it. I dont want to feel like i need it for momentary joy or happiness. Peace out fast food! I never really liked you anyways!
Much happened spiritually during those three weeks which ill share in a later blog. God gave me some direct answers about why i was feeling depressed and whatnot. To hear His Gentle voice say ”i know this seems scary but its Good that this is happening” is my calm in the middle of the storm.
So, because of all the major life changes i took on all at one time during this fast, i decided for my physical and mental health not to continue to work out for the month of january (which was my NY resolution). IT became to much at once. So i decided since january was the fast with my church, feb will be my work out month.
So how about you? What do you do to dull the pain